... S ee, it came to me in a flash. I'm not going to stop functioning, I’m going to stop pushing, forcing my destiny, or call it whatever you like. I woke up this morning knowing that. It came so clear to me like a bloodstain in the snow. Last night I felt so much fear. My body will go stiff at times. I couldn’t think straight. I’ll keep doing stuff, but enough of trying to fit or calling people’s attention for a bit of recognition, to get into some sort of list, to smile inaccurately. I need to kill this idea of the past, as something inalterable. Modern Guilt like Beck sings: “I FEEL UPTIGHT WHEN I WALK IN THE CITY / I FEEL SO COLD WHEN I’M AT HOME / FEELS LIKE EVERYTHING’S STARTING TO HIT ME / I LOST MY BEARINGS TEN MINUTES AGO.” All those labels attached to us since we were born; every outsider opinion likes verdicts. We need to get rid of what stinks. Slowing down is just a point of view. I’ll clear, I’ll simplify, I’ll trash. Priorities will swap without me clinging to them. I need to go back to a phase of natural playing, not measuring results, constantly putting numbers, hypothetical numbers in front of me, in front of what I do. Time will finally be on my side, Oh the Stones...I like that song so much!
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